Why “I Should Have It Together By Now” Is a Lie: Facing the Anxiety That Comes with Adulting
Many young adults today are finding it harder to establish independence. It’s easy to find yourself thinking, “I should have it together by now.” Maybe your parents were able to buy a home and support a family at your age. But you’re not quite ready for these steps. Perhaps you spent years working hard in school and at internships. Yet, building your career has proven more difficult than you anticipated.
When you scroll through social media, you might see friends achieving the milestones you always dreamed about. In those moments, you can’t help but ask, “Why not me?” You may feel anxious about whether or not these goals will ever be within reach for you. Let’s explore why the idea that you have to figure everything out right now is a lie, and how you can build a life you love in the midst of uncertainty.
Challenges for Younger Generations
The roadmap has changed for younger generations. Millennials and Gen Z often compare their journeys into adulthood with their parents, who were getting on their feet when the cost of living was lower.
At times, you might worry that you’re behind. But chances are, you’re doing better than you think, considering the difficult economic circumstances that young adults face today. You’re running your own race, and it’s okay if the path isn’t quite the same as your parents’.
You’re Not on a Deadline
Deadlines are a reality at school and at work. Yet for most life milestones, there are no strict deadlines. Just because you haven’t achieved a particular goal at a certain age does not mean you’ll never get there.
You never know what the future holds, and trying to rush through this phase of your life might mean missing out on some beautiful, transformative moments. Rather than focusing on imaginary deadlines, remind yourself of how far you’ve come already. Allow yourself to figure out your next steps in your own time.
Stop “Shoulding” Yourself
Do you ever catch yourself saying, “I should have accomplished that by now?” If so, it might be time to stop “shoulding” yourself.
You may be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to check off certain boxes that society assumes should be inherent to adulthood. This might include getting married, buying a home, having children, or landing a certain kind of job. But it’s important to reflect and understand whether or not you truly want these milestones for yourself. If you do, you can continue working towards the future you’ve always had in mind. If you don’t, you can explore what else resonates with you.
Letting Go of Comparisons
Today, it’s all too easy to spend hours every day looking at the highlights of other people’s lives on social media. But comparison is the thief of joy. When you’re focused on everyone else’s lives, you can lose sight of all that you have to be grateful for.
Change Doesn’t Happen All at Once
Keep in mind that even if you’re working hard to create the life you want, change doesn’t happen overnight. You do not need to rush the process. Be patient with yourself, and remember that growth takes time. In a few years, you might look back at this chapter of your life with pride, reflecting on how resourceful and resilient you were when you were faced with the obstacles of young adulthood.
Next Steps
If you feel like you’re struggling to find stability in adulthood, anxiety therapy can help you focus on small, impactful steps. Contact our practice to find out how our therapists can support you through this confusing chapter of life.